"I'm gonna eat Kerri, but not out."~Lisa
"Who's the Boss now, bitch?"~Kerri's mom, while watching a Lifetime movie in which Who's the Boss's Judith Light plays a character who gets raped
"I'm playing 'Dirty Minds.' I'll come in a minute."~Lisa
"Man, I wish I'd worn MY hot giraffe pants tonight!"~Catherine, making fun of Tiffany
"My parents are gonna be pissed when they get home form Ireland. They'll be facing a broken Volva AND a broken vulva!"~Lisa
"I forgot you used to work here! You're old school Stop and Shop. Dude, you were like the Brat pack of this place!"~Nicole, on my brief and hellish employment at Stop and Shop
"Hey, honey, I'm calling you from Borders in Lincoln Mall."~A customer, calling her husband from Barnes and Noble in Smithfield. I wonder why he didn't call her back. Hmmm......
"I think that if I was a man I'd look at other mens' penises in public restrooms."~Kerri
"I don't really like the word coquettish. It sounds like you're saying coke head-ish."~Bryan
"Excuse me, do you have any books about Spam?"~Jerome
"Some crazed wild animal bit me today."~Kerri's mom, talking about getting stung by a bee
"You look hott! And I'm spelling that with two 't's."~Kerri, to Lisa, while trying to convince her to buy a shirt.
Horny Teenage Boy 1(HTB1): Yo, math is my favorite subject 'cuz we aint got no summer reading shit.HTB2: Word. Plus last year we had Ms. D'Abate for math. Yo, that bitch was hot.
Kerri (overhearing & stepping in): Excuse me, do you guys go to Ferri Middle School?
HTB1: Yeah.
Kerri: And you had Ms. D'Abate last year?
HTB2: Yeah.
Kerri: Yeah, that's my cousin.
HTB1: Yo, yo cousin is one spicy bitch.
"Know what I think is sad? How we're the only two people in the world who still love the Spice Girls."~Meaghan, to Kerri
Kerri: I love how we think we're funny but no one else does.Lisa: A lot of people think we're funny.
Kerri: I know.
"I love how all I think about now every time I watch a Colin Firth movie is how when we have kids-not if, when--we have kids, they'll have super curly hair."~Kerri, one step closer to getting that restraining order.